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Posts Tagged ‘humor’

My Mojito

    This is My Mojito… Now that I’ve  got your attention, …

There is a small cookbook that was willed to me from a dear relative.  The dust cover is a bit tattered.  Over the years, I have opened it and searched for ideas that pre-online searches failed at horribly.  The oak bookshelf for these little treasures, as this book is, contains several aged cookbooks that are rare or out of print.  Many are softcover gems on ethnic cuisine that were gathered on exotic islands or at their airports’ gift shops in a last-minute purchase. Dog-eared pages, stained with gravies, give evidence of their importance to me.

Gram or Liter, Cup or Pinch

A lack of Celsius temperatures on the oven dial does not remotely cover the variety of measures, temperatures and rules in many of my cookbooks. Aside from baking, my rule is alway 325 degrees fahrenheit.  I can deal with liters, but grams baffle me, excepting hashish talk, of a prior age, of course.  In the old days, “sprinkle” was uses a lot. One book, a Betty Crocker three-ring binder, has a wonderful section on “Happy-Hour Cocktails”. In this section the talents of a chemist come to be, as exact measurements of Angostura Bitters  fulfills the perfect flavor and color of the Classic Manhattan. Holiday Punch for the wassail bowl lists a dozen ingredients.  These retro times demanded the chef to pay attention.  My simple mojito has simple rules: freshness in all ingredients and simple sugar syrup with Cachaça Brazilian White Cane Rum. Simple.

Rose Louise Sorce was native to her Italian heritage, and  a resident of Milwwakee in the early 1950’s.  Her recipes were handed down from grandmother to mother to her. A state fair booth in Wisconsin got her started on writing, according to an old Milwaukee Journal story by their staff.  La Cucina from Twayne Publishers in 1952 was the rollout of years of work.  I refer to this book from time to time.

Let’s call up some friends; like 1000! Perhaps you have a church basement around?  Can we find several 12 gallon steel simmering pots?

Can I have the left-overs? Enjoy.

Rose   sorce1recipe1000

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As a product of the late fifties, honed into the sixties, and refined in the seventies, the idea of  Wonderbread for a Peanut Butter and Jelly was a given. This was my staple. That lunch required a dessert of Twinkies.

 82 Years of Twinkie Bliss

Today, 500 million Twinkies are sold each year.   Today, the Twinkie is an icon of a staple in America that rejects all practical logic. Nutritional value is questionable and the process to make them unclear. Today is the time to corner your future supply, as the era has come to an end. The company that makes both of these products is shuttered.  The employees are locked out and little hope remains of a labor impasse to clear.

Sponge Cake and White Filling

Aren’t sponges used to soak up dishwater? This tubecake texture and the sickly sweet concoction contained therein of unknown substance, has remained true to its origin for my decades of consumption. Why fix it? Sure, some chefs concluded that deep-fat frying these puppies enhances the whole relationship of sugar and fat decadence. I never tried that offering.  Though, I’ve had the Twinkie Sunday loaded with the goop of stuff to raise the blood sugars to off the charts. I recall a county fair contest, kind of like the hotdog contest on Coney Island. The victor lived and record Twinkies devoured. When you think of it, consumers of these delicacies will out live most. Multi-syllabic chemical compounds, the kind used in the military field foods, and have a shelf-life of cold war nuclear bunker stashes are found in a lot of grocery store aisles.

Hemorrhoidal Preparation H Rectal Applicator

Tom Hanks in the  film Joe Vs. The Volcano, finds Joe surrounded by drums of K-Y Jelly as he bookkeeps for the ACmE Rectal Probe Co.  I am picturing the Twinkle Injection Operator loving his old job and sadly searching in vain for work.  While the junk food industry will fill the gap, this icon may be commercially completed.

Home Chefs fill the Twinkie Gap 

How hard could it be?  Get the pan, fill it and make sponge cake, squirt the filling, insert, swallow and repeat.  They are out there and they know their stuff, if even Vegan Recipes.  Buyer beware on those health conscious folks, as they miss the scheme. We ate our Twinkies to break every law of nature and would do it again. I’m thinking Devil Dogs as my replacement.  How about you?

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